when i was young….

When i was younger my mom made the decision to “pair down” she quit working ( im not sure of the full circumstances) and began to home school us. we lived in a cabin part of the time and in a rented house part time.this was when she was married to John, which im sure had great influence on her choices, but in general i believe she did a lot of it as a desire to give my brother and i a better start. we knew that for the most part we had a choice in the matter,but we didn’t really care, granted i am speaking only for myself here,but i dont remember really wanting to change most things. i didnt really care what toys other kids played with because we didnt have many outside friends. didnt matter what i wore and i often invented clothing i thought to b stylish. (har har har) any who, we were much more self reliant and i think for the most part we were happy.

Now, John had some issues that i don’t fully know of. i believe he had bipolar disorder, which is fine, but he stopped taking his meds once he and mom got married. i do not believe she knew or was unwilling to see he had a mental disorder. i was too young at the time to understand or care much. i just thought he was mean.not all the time but i hated him yelling at my mom.

 any whoo, we where home schooled. got our lessons done in about 2 hours and the rest of the time we played, usually outside in the woods. maybe when our papers got looked over,we might have to do a bit more if something was wrong,but for the most part we were free. we built things. forts, dams,bows, u name it, we tried it. vinny and i didnt fight that much then. we were our best friends pretty much except dusty for me. 

  we went to the cabin a lot in the winter and got snowed in. it was heated by an old cast iron wood stove, it glowed red when hot. no running water, had a well we drew from with buckets and mom washed dishes in a wash pan. always had hot water because had it on the stove to put moisture in the air. we did have electric, and every night before bed we would either read little house on the prairie books,the bible or watch educational stuff on tv. learned a lot about canning, wood chopping,  what i could dye fabric with naturally, what we could forage to eat, names of trees,herbs and local wildlife. found several old barn sights with deep wells and bubbling natural, springs.i believed faeries lived in the moss covered secret places only i knew about. learned about making wine from wild grapes, sassafras roots, ginseng, winterberry and how to harvest maple syrup. my mom was full of knowledge it seemed  to me.

 mom caught a lot of slack for “isolating her kids, not giving them an education, ruining our social skills/” a lot more. she felt what she did was right. we went along with it fine,until i started growing up. i wanted more friends, better clothes. school. i had no idea what i was in for. the first 5 year back in public school were hell. i was smart enough, and except in a few areas i was just fine academically. spelling and math have NEVER been strong points for me. i was socially….backward , had nothing to do with home schooling, it was just me. i did make some awesome friends.my point is tho…… was my life better returning to public school? more enriched, fulfilled? i dont think so. but we cant change the past,but i am  grateful for what i did get. i think the fond memories are part of what drive me to complete my goal of becoming a homesteader.


chapter 2

chapter two
something hard slammed into Lilly. she hit the wall, knocking the breath from her body.blindly, she fought the weight on her chest, her arms so weak she could barely lift them. she opened her eyes, the dim light momentarily blinding her. Looking up, she saw a man,a man like none she had ever seen before. he stood tall, at least a foot taller than her, and at least twice as broad. He looked about her age and his head was clean shaven, he had a burly goatee, brown and grey. he had a dark tattoo on his face, a symbol Lilly couldn’t quite make out, half hidden under his beard. He had no shirt on, despite the dropping temperature, a heavy fur coat, opened, and dark washed jeans. Lilly finally caught her breath and regained her bearings long enough to glower at the man, barking “what the hell do you think you are doing?” staggering, the effort of her defiance taking its toll. “stupid girl” he sneered as he pointed to where Lilly had been standing. the old pickup had plowed thru, smashing the gurney and what was left of Ben onto the adjacent building. Lilly doubled over, throwing up. she screamed,and tried to run over to Ben. The man grabbed her arm, dragging her back. “its not safe,girl” as he drug her away. ” who the hell do u think you are? that’s my boyfriend back there!” Lilly struggled against the man, his grip unyielding, her arm beginning to feel numb. the bad arm was burning so badly at this point she couldn’t lift it. Lilly felt essentially helpless. “let me go!” she screamed again, pulling with her body against the man to no avail. This man is like stone. Lilly thought. ” your arm is infected” the man quietly said, lillys bones felt like they melted. he gripped her tighter. lillys face felt flushed, as if she were running a fever, the damping air around her was chilling off quick. her vision swam.  The man dragged her over to a nearby alley, darkness nearly swallowing the car that was waiting. the driver of the black sedan quickly jumped out, opening the door for the man. lilly could barely stand, her knees weak and jelly filled. she could only make weak protests as the man scooped her up and slid into the car with her. once again,her vision swam and this time, she allowed the darkness to claim her.

   Lilly could feel herself being lifted out of the backseat of the car. her mouth was dry and sticky. she could feel a cool breeze smelling faintly of the river. it felt wonderful on her flushed face. she wiggled against her confines, a gruff voice whispered, “hold still”. lilly froze, remembering. a lump hit her throat, her belly churning. she moaned against it. The man was speaking curtly to another deep voice, Lilly tried to open the eyes, but they were too heavy. she heard a heavy door open, and cool, heavy air wafted around her. the musty tasting air grew darker, and Lilly could see light flickering on the back of her eye lids. they descended down a long, steep flight of stairs. Lilly was too weak and frightened to fight. she wondered if there was any point, Ben was gone. what was she going to do? where would she go? how could she explain what had happened? what about the body? Ben’s body. she choked back a sob. her eyes too heavy to open. her whole body ached,and it was all she could do to lay in this strange mans arms, descending into…..hell. Lilly internally shuddered at the thought. she heard another heavy door open, a few more steps and she was laid down on a soft bed. Lilly sunk into it, her body so heavy. a fluorescent light flickered on above her, fellling knives stabbing inside her head.she cried out, a door slamed shut. she heard voices in hushed tones comming closer. the sharp click of a womans heels sounded on the tile floor.
“Lilly?” a warm sounding woman’s voice asked. “mmmm” Lilly answered. “Lilly, you have been bitten by a zombie, and you were infected. you arm is very full of infection and it is spreading through out your body. we are going to dress your arm, and begin some heavy IV antibiotics.  a zombie? Lilly thought, this lady is nuts or my fever is worse than i thought. Lilly forced her eyes open against the bright  lights.  the woman smiled warmly at Lilly, the dark brown hair and green eyes seemed to glow in the florescent lighting. “I’m Dr. Alexandra Bax, but you may call me Alex.” Lilly stared into her glowing green eyes framed by thick black framed glasses. again, the woman smiled at Lilly. “a zombie? “Lilly asked,” like night of the living dead, eat your brains zombie? I’m not stupid ya know.” Zombies are not real. Lilly stubbornly assured herself. “i didn’t think you were” Alex assured her, as she began to clean lillys arm. ” I’m going to give u a shot with a local anesthetic to numb your arm so this with hurt less,”  Alex moved quickly around the bed to the rolling wheeled table at the foot of the bed.” yes, a zombie, no,not a mindless brain eater. they are not quiet that uncivilized. They are a base creature, they do like the taste of flesh, but will usually refrain from eating live humans.” at this, Alex’s brow furrowed. ” except this time. he went for you, although you did have him trapped, it may have been a defensive measure. They are full of infection, and it spreads quickly. turns their blood white too. Easy way to mark them,other than ya know,the stench.” At this, Alex wrinkled her nose, working quickly as she talked. ” they are, however greedy vile creatures and we have been at war with them for years” “we?, war?” lilly asked numbly. Alex looked at her sympathetically. “the we part is a little complicated, and i don’t think you are up for that right now, and war is… well, war. doesn’t get any simpler than that.” Alex was finished with her arm,and begin rifling thru an assortment of bottles on the counter. She handed lilly a couple of pills and a glass of water. she helped lilly sit up. Lilly’s head swam.” don’t worry, these will help with that.” Alex comforted. lilly asked what they were.  it”s antibiotic, a mild sedative, and a steroid to help u kick this . Lilly looked at Alex wearily,”a sedative,what do i need that for?” “because you have had a long day,you need your rest and because we cant have you running around here.” with that, Alex turned abruptly and walked toward the door, with one last glance at lilly, she opened the door and walked out. lilly sighed.she WAS tired,and this woman is a Dr, (or so she said) so lilly took the pills, throwing her head back, swallowing them and a drink of water. as her head came down, she was nearly face to face with a dark red headed man with piercing green eyes. startled,lilly stammered “who are you?” He smiled, ” sorry love, my name is Griffen, I’m to take you to your room.”

no title book.

ok, so i have been writing this “book” for awhile now, hence the blog to practice my writing/typing skills. i have been contemplating posting it or not, but i want feed back, real feed back, on the book. i have had some help from my cousin dusty, but i know he is busy too. so here it is, and judge lightly and remember, i ave no formal training and i do not spell well.

chapter 1

Lilly Ann Davis sat down in front of her vanity table, dejectedly looking at her reflection in the mirror. sighing, she picked up her brush to pull her long brown hair back. It was about the only way she could wear it without cutting it. Since she had started her new job as an EMT for the local fire department, the luxury of making herself up had been robbed from her. She could not see the point of putting eyeliner on now, if it would be on her cheeks by lunch. Ben, her boyfriend of 2 years, didn’t seem to care either way, and had been increasingly distant this past month. They both had been working a lot of hours recently and Lilly had hoped that by taking a new job at the same department as Ben, it would make things better. she felt they had only gotten worse, since when they were at work Ben was all business and no play. Lilly pouted, stood and flipped her hair while staring at the reflection of neon colored scrubs she saw in the mirror before her. she hated them – they were loud,flashy and almost everything Lilly was not. the company;s policy of improving safety, especially on the road, was not very fashion-forward in Lilly’s opinion.

she could hear Ben downstairs finishing his coffee, the smell made her stomach growl, reminding her she had yet to eat. “come on Lilly, it’s time to go!” Ben shouted up the stairs. “so much for that thought,” Lilly mused. she walked down the stairs to meet him. barely sparing her a glance, Ben said ” about time, don’t you think?.” “you’re just mad because i make these look this good,” she said with a wink. Ben smiled at her, ‘well, at least I got that out of him today,’ Lilly thought to herself. they rode the short distance to the station together, mostly in silence. Lilly felt like everything there was to be said had been said in the two short years they had been together. she knew she loved Ben, but didn’t know if she was in love with him any more, and she was pretty sure he felt the same. Neither of them had the courage to do anything about it. They clocked in at the station and she got to work restocking the ambulance while Ben washed the outside. Lilly continued her musing, thinking about the weekend trip they had planed. she was pretty sure she would know what to do by the end of it; whether they could fix things or call it quits, she decided, no sense in wasting anyone’s time about it. lilly felt a lump in her throat, choking back the tears she felt coming on, the heat flushing her face. she closed her eyes and breathed the faintly plastic smell in, trying desperately  to calm her nerves when she heard the alarm go off on the radio. “hey” Ben called to her “we have an accident out in the red district, possible fatalities. lets get a move on.” Ben climbed into the driver’s seat while Lilly strapped in the other side. the red district was what they called the shanty side of town, where all the cheap bars and brothels were. it’s also home of the undesirables, and the vamps, lilly hated going down there – you never knew what you were going to find. No one ever gave two thoughts to anyone going missing in that part of town. ever since the vamps had come out of hiding, it seemed to lilly that people just didn’t care anymore. She could hardly blame them – the world had been going to shit over the past decade. There were wars being fought and no one really knew or cared what was going on outside their own door. no one had the power to change it. the territories all had separate governments and they were none to keen on cooperation. political assassinations were a regular thing anymore, public executions were as frequent and common as the rising and setting sun. and lilly thought ‘here we are, Ben and I, trying to hold it together.’

The bus neared the site, the red and white lights flashing on the graffiti covered buildings around them. they could see a few smashed up vehicles, jumping out, Ben and Lilly further scanned their surroundings. a few bodies were scattered around the scene, but there was so much blood and a thick, gooey white substance spattered around that it was hard to tell what had happened. lilly breathed in, trying to steady herself. She gagged on the smell almost instantly. “oh my God Ben, what is that?” lilly covered her nose and mouth with her hand and swallowing the bile in the back of her throat. ” i don’t know, but lets grab someone and get outta here” he replied. the smoke from the crash and the fog from the nearby river were starting to mix, making the view harder to discern. the smell seemed heaver in her nose. as they approached the first body, lilly knelt and felt for a pulse. it was faint and weak, but it was there. they rolled the man onto the gurney as quickly as they could, the man moaning with pain. “strap him in”, Ben commanded,” we don’t know what’s wrong with him.” ben was referring to the vamp virius. it was a blood-borne pathogen that made you wish that standard precautions were more strict than they already are. Lilly and ben counted as they lifted the gurney, leveling the weight of the man as the wheels snapped into place. as they wheeled him to the ambulance waiting nearby, he suddenly whipped his head around and tore a chunk of lillys arm out with his foaming mouth. Llilly screamed and began gasping for breath as the pain and smell made her sick to the point of vomiting. Ben, thinking quickly, grabbed a tourniquet off the cart and slipped it onto the gaping wound on her arm, momentarily forgetting about the creature that just tried to rip the arm off in the first place. Lilly’s arm burned like it were on fire and cause her excruciating pain. she felt like she was going to pass out from the pain, the smell, and everything else around them. the man continued to writhe on the gurney, shaking so violently that he almost upset it completely. Ben, trying to wheel the thing across the pothole-strewn road was moving slowly. Lilly tried to move forward, as if her life depended on it (for all she knew it did), but she was overwhelmed by the burning, throbbing pain. the smoke stung her eyes, tears pouring unbidden down her cheeks and she could hear screaming in the distance. she forced her feet to move, to catch up to Ben, her slow steps seeming to drag. she held her breath from the stench and the pain. She clenched her teeth and focused on getting them both to the hospital. Lilly thought to herself that she would kill that bastard on the gurney if he survived the trip to the hospital. As Lilly climbed into the back of the ambulance, the rev of an engine could be heard in the near distance. opening her mouth to call out to Ben, the flash of headlights in the smoke blinded her as a loud screech and a green blur slammed into Ben and the gurney, hitting the brick of the building. Lilly screamed and passed out.

That’s all I have for tonight. More to come later. Hope you like it so far!

busy summer days….

the last few days has been jammed packed with things to do. mowed the whole yard out at my grandmas, with a push mower, no less because i am not mecanically inclined. part of me thinks i could do it, if i could just see all of the mower deck instead of crawling around in the gravel and dirt. we had a nice little cookout and flew kites. the kids love being out there and so do i. i cant wait until we get moved, in a year or so. so much work to be done in the meantime. i ordered more fruit trees. 4 apple, a plum, cherry trees, nut trees and some more black berry bushes. its going to be wonderful once everything is planted and put where it belongs. the 2 cherry trees dad planted a week ago are still looking great, and the 4 blue berry bushes are coming along as well. the rasberry and black berrys are not looking that hot, but maybe im expecting too much. the tomatoe plants jeannie bought us r doing well and we planted 10 more, as well as pepers and onions. i ordered some green bean seeds and corn, i know its getting late for those, but i think it will b ok. i would like to learn more about saving my own seeds to plant. i know the heratage is prefered, but after that, i dont know too much. i have been reading up on raising chickens and meat rabbits, so much information! also been reading some books dad let me borrow on bees. im not a huge fan of bees,but it would help our little orchard and garden do so much better, not to mention the honey….



my mom, before she lost her hair.
i think of the other mothers days since i have lost our mom, this one has been relitivley easier on me this year. not because i miss her less, of course, but because im less hard on myself this year. i did buy her a wooden cross with purple flowers, but asked my brother to put it up for me this year, instead of forcing myself to go to a place that hurts so much. i know she knew i loved her, and thats what matters. i know she loved me, her last word to me were ” i love u bella” so all in all, i feel pretty good. having recently lost two more grandmothers and seeing how this affected my loved ones has been rough. i know that nothing i can say can help ease their pain.

i had a good mothers day, dispite having to work. ended the day with my children, lots of beautiful flowers, and a date night the evening before. we had KFC and watched iron man 3, romantic, right? 🙂

life, libertyand the presuit of happiness

i think everyone deserves a true shot a finding happiness. this is a little slice if me finding mine. life is a journey, ive made mistakes, found some new roads, and making new paths.


    so, a little about me and mine: my name is michele. have have two wonderfully devilish children, ages 2 and 4. i am blessed with a wonderful boyfriend. i love gardening,canning,sewing,generally anything to do with creating something. i am recently trying my hand at writing. its a new thing, so judge lightly.